“Now secondly there is also a group there is a growing interest in complementarian relationships this is a weakness in Ireland and I will offend all of you at some point. So for some of you it is now your turn.

Complementarian relationships in the church and in the home, by complementarian we mean not feministic where the women lead or chauvinistic where the men dominate the women but complementarian where men and women are made equally in the image and likeness of God, they bear equal dignity, value, and worth, they are given equally all spiritual gifts but they do not occupy all spiritual offices. There is a difference between giftedness and holding of an office, and complementarianism recognizes that first government is government of home, that the first government that God made was the government of home. He made Adam and Eve and then they had children and so the first government is home and Adam was appointed by God created first, named the woman she was to be his helper Genesis 2:18 and that he was to lovingly lead his family and when he failed to God came in the garden in Genesis 3 following sin though Eve sinned first God held Adam responsible calling out, “Adam where are you?” because he was the head he was responsible. Romans 5:12-21 goes on to tell us that because of one man’s sin the whole race fell. Eve sinned first but Adam was held primarily responsible though Eve was also recognized by God as being personally morally responsible for her transgression. The point is that men are to lovingly lead their homes that is the storyline of the Bible – that is why the Bible is a patriarchal book, that is why family lineage is traced through the men, that is why we read in Colossians 3; 1 Peter 3; 1 Corinthians 11; Ephesians 5 – the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Not should be, maybe, could be – IS.

So the question is not are men heads of home? The question are they good heads or bad heads? Are they heads who love their wives and love their children so they would flourish, or do they abuse, abandon, abdicate their responsibility?
And to be the head of the home does not mean that the man is the boss, the man is the bully. It means that the man bears first responsibility for the wellbeing of the family because it says like in Ephesians 5 that husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. To be the head means you die to yourself and you live for the good of wife and children. That is why Ephesians 5 is followed by Ephesians 6 where it says that mothers and fathers are both to be honoured but fathers bear primary responsibility for the raising, the training, the upbringing of the children. Fathers train your children in the day of God that they may go in the way that God intends for them and so for the men it is teaching and training them. That to be the head is not to be as I said the bully and the boss but rather to be the head is to take first responsibility. In this way Jesus Christ is in no way at fault for the sin of the church but he made it his responsibility. In the same way even if the wife and her children should do something that is sinful even though it may not be in large part it perhaps can be in some part the husband’s fault – it is ultimately his responsibility to love his wife and children, to pursue his wife and children, to serve his wife and children, to bless his wife and children.

And part of what is happening is that there is this I believe holy spirit-led reaction to men who are cowards and chauvinists. The men who are cowards are like their father Adam – they say and do nothing, the men who are chauvinists tend to abuse, abandon women. They have sex with them outside of marriage, they are into pornography and violence and abuse, they break women, destroy women. We deal a lot with these women at my church. We have on a good Sunday now ten thousand perhaps for Easter we will have sixteen thousand. Many of them in their twenties, the youngest demographic that we have are single men in their twenties who are college educated, the least likely man in the world to go to church. I also have thousands of women who are young and if you took every women in my church who calls me pastor and attends at least occasionally who has been sexually abused, molested or raped I would still have a mega church of two thousand people.

You can’t simply help the women who victims though we must, you must also beat the men until they change that is complementarian theology. You help the women and beat the men and that is one of the ways you help the women, and so it is putting the burden on men early. It is giving them significant responsibility at a young age and this counters the global epidemic of adolescence. There is a global epidemic of adolescence. There was a time when you would go from being a boy to being a man, you would leave your mother and father like Genesis 2:24-25 says. You would get a job, pay your own bills and first take responsibility for yourself. You see when you are a child someone takes responsibility for you. When you are a man you take responsibility for yourself and once you have proven responsible then you take responsibility for a wife and then children. And what we now have is not a transition from boy to man we have created this new indefinite life stage called adolescence and we don’t know when someone becomes a man. Is it when they can drive, is it when they can vote, is it when they can join the military, is it when they can drink, is it when they move out of their parents home, is it when they enter college, is it when they graduate from college, is it when they start their career, is it when they marry, is it when they have children? They do not know. Globally it is an epidemic. In the U.S. we call them guys. They are not men, they are not boys, they are just guys. In France they call them the tan guys, in Japan urber voirs, in the UK they call it lad-ism, and I call them boys who can shave that is what I call them. And there is an epidemic of worthless young men. They don’t like responsibility, they don’t like to work, they hang out with their buddies, they tend to drink a lot, take advantage of women, play video games, spend lots of money on entertainment and gadgets, be really good at masturbating and finding free porn on the internet. That is about all they are good for which is really nothing – that is nothing. And unless you are strong and a strong man who could punch them right in the throat to get their attention those men will just continue to do evil. They will impregnate women that they will not marry, they will rape, abandon, abuse, take advantage of all kinds of women, they tend to fill prisons, they then tend to create lots of social chaos and complementarianism says no.

“1 Corinthians 11:7 is true that men are the glory of God and they need to know that and by the grace of God they need to be that and so complementarianism is trying in every way to compel the young men to take responsibility as early as possible, to grow up and to become men and in a age where they do not have fathers, in an age when marketing now is telling them, “you are a man defined by what you consume not what you produce. So wear these clothes, drink this beer, eat this meat, have sex with this woman, watch this movie and that will make you a man.” Young men are fools blowing all of their wealth, possessions and years chasing stupid things. They are all fools, and it is all a marketing ploy to create a life stage to take their money by selling them goods in an effort to get them to believe that it makes them a man, and if you don’t believe me just watch advertising, marketing, walk through the store pick up a men’s magazine and see if in fact a false gospel is being preached, “if you give me your money and I give you these experiences or possessions then you will be a man.” A man is defined not by what he consumes but what he produces, not by what he takes but what he give – the legacy he leaves. A patriarch is one who is thinking about generations, loving his wife and his children and by the grace of God having children, raising them to know, and love, and serve the Lord and having grandchildren and great grand children who will know and love and serve the Lord.

The nations in the United Kingdom that have neglected this now find themselves in crisis one key example being France as they wandered from the gospel and heterosexuality and marriage and children being a blessing like the Bible says – they have population decline the only way to maintain population rate is through immigration then they bring in a bunch of Muslims who move into the cities and start having a lot of babies and next thing you know the French aren’t really happy. Well maybe they should have met Jesus and the men should have taken responsibility and married women in a noble way and had children who loved the Lord and had children’s children who love the Lord and they wouldn’t be fighting this massive tide of godless as long. Yes I said it.

Complementarianism is very significant. It is not about taking away women’s rights but it is about creating a world in which there is responsibility laid upon the men particularly when they are young. That is in the first government of home, that also directly implicates and affects the government of church. 1 Timothy 3; Titus 1; that elders pastors those names, words are used synonymously. In 1 Peter 5, and Acts 20 “HE MUST BE A MAN, above reproach, a good husband, a good father, that if a man cannot manage his household well he has no right to lead the church.” THE CHURCH LEADERSHIP IS FOR THOSE BY THE GRACE OF GOD ARE THE GREATEST MEN, and it is holding a high standard of church leadership, and in the home as the man as the head and as the woman as the helper it is my position that in the church the men are to lead and that the woman are to help, that is to be like right hand, left hand working together in complimentary fashion where the right hand to use my analogy is dominant but then the left hand is absolutely inextricably necessary. So we have male elders and women deacons. Men and women deacons who work together. This does not mean that a woman cannot lead worship, that she cannot help lead the church, that she cannot help to serve communion, that she cannot give testimony, be on staff or go to Bible college or seminary. It means that SHE CANNOT HOLD THE OFFICE OF PASTOR (1 TIMOTHY 3:2 – NLT – 2 SO AN ELDER ‘MUST BE A MAN’ whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach.) WHICH INCLUDES THE PREACHING OF GOD’s WORD ACCORDING TO 1 TIMOTHY 5 where the elders are the ones who are to labour in preaching and teaching and I love him and he is a wonderful man but John Stott is wrong on this point and I know he has influenced some of you. Yes I will just keep driving over the landlines.

Okay Reformed Theology, Complementarian Relationships. If you want study more on complementarian relationships sort of the classic magnetopause was Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by John Piper and Wayne Grudem and also a follow up work God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas Kostenberger. It is a magnificent book that deals with sex and marriage and The Old Testament, The New Testament, roles in the home, roles in the church, children those kinds of things.”
– Pastor Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill church, WA Seattle)
– Co-founder & Lead Visionary of The Acts29 Network


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